It was pretty inevitable that they would fuck that up.
For a start there's a lot missing. Where is Van Damme, Seagal, Norris, Chan? Why are so many roles not filled with action stars? I can concede the presence of Randy Couture, as the idea of him tussling with Stone Cold Steve Austin is a particularly fine one, but who's the random black guy on the team? Perhaps most importantly, why is this not directed by John Woo? I know that this was Stallone's pet project, that these people have ego's the size of the sun, that money isn't infinite and Wesley Snipes is in prison but is the plan here to dip our feet in the water or to push the god damn boat out as far as it will go and spend ninety minutes partying in international waters?
The plot is nonsense but that itself is almost an action movie tradition. Unjustifiably, the action is poorly constructed and while there are a handful of colourful sequences it's mostly bland, forgettable and in a number of cases badly lit. Many random mooks die in ways you won't remember. It needed to be overblown, crazy, cartoon, memorable stuff and it's simply a long way away from that targets location. Perhaps even worse it fails to capitalise on the vast and meaty reverses of charisma it's carrying. Mickey Rourke and Dolph Lundgren are the only ones doing anything even remotely interesting, the majority of the rest being guilty of phoning in a performance when they were given the chance to stand out from their peers. I'd be amazed by this but there's a reason I'm saying someone with a track record of bringing solid action to the table should have been at the helm here. When an acting performance is poor there are two people to blame and old Sly just isn't a director.
There are a good many things wrong with this film but oddly the one I found most distracting was Sylvester Stallone's face. A number of the stars, such as Jet Li are becoming increasingly distinctive as they age, their faces taking on depth and character. But for reasons I honestly can't fathom Stallone decided that this was not for him, instead Botox has ravaged his features turning him into a grotesque caricature, an image that his painted on beard does little to dispel. Mickey Rourke might look like a car crash victim, but at least he has the face of a bitterly embattled man that suits the roles he plays, Stallone just looks like a Spitting Image puppet.
And he's not the only one here that thought he could punch age in the face and rattle off a witty one liner. I appreciate as men who spent most of their lives cultivating their image upon an international stage we can't expect them to act in a normal manner in regards to such things, but firing themselves into the uncanny valley was easily the worst option available.
To round this off as well as get back to the whole film thing, I've certainly seen worse action films, but there are so very few cases in which so much potential has been so squandered. What should be a love letter to the classics of it's genre and a potent entry into the cultural canon ends up being yet another disposable action romp. One might even call it...expendable.
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